How do I manage a situation where my husband is still seeing his mistress, yet doesn’t want to break the family home?

How do I manage a situation where my husband is still seeing his mistress. Finding out that your husband has cheated on you is every woman’s worst nightmare. It can turn your world upside down and make you question even your own existence. In your case, it is 100 times worse. 

Not only has your husband cheated on you, but he is still continuing with his cheating ways. Without any sign that he wants to let go of the mistress. Let me first congratulate you. You must be a really strong woman to be in the middle of such a situation, and still, be able to stand. 

Your family matters a lot to you. I know you think you are preserving your family by standing by your husband as he continues to cheat. Though this self-martyrdom is commendable, I hope you realize that the only one in so pain is you. 

Your husband and his mistress must be laughing themselves crazy behind your back. You have just endorsed their relationship and given them the go-ahead to step on your heart as much as they can. 

Remember, you might think you are protecting your family, maybe your children, but that’s not true. As a child from a separated family, I know it hurts me more when my father was still cheating openly on my mother. It was a sign of disrespect. Not only to her but also to me. 

The problem is that you are only human and can only take so much. You wouldn’t want to snap, would you?

How do I manage a situation where my husband is still seeing his mistress

So before you start talking to yourself alone, let’s get you something you can do to turn around this situation, both for your own good and for the good of your family (marriage).

Before we dive in let me leave this here. Woman, you’re a wife to a man who is cheating on you. The cheating matters will never be easy to handle and honestly, the mistress is getting what she wants. She wants you to pack your bags and leave the man to her.

I say, don’t give her what she wants; don’t let her replace and don’t let her take your husband away. Do all it takes to fight for your marriage and family. Follow this link. Win your husband back from his mistress and read more about how to handle the situation the other way.

Go for couple’s therapy

There is something seriously wrong with your marriage and you need the work of a third party to repair it. Your husband is not aware that by cheating on you and still continuing to cheat on you unapologetically, he has already broken up the family home. 

You are not happy, and neither will the children be if they realize their father has been cheating on their mother. There is already a lack of trust in the family, and sincerely, there is a lack of direction too because no one in the family knows what is going to happen next. Honestly, this is a situation that is beyond you. 

You need to be brave enough to open your heart and hurts to a stranger by engaging a counsellor. Going for couple’s counselling means that you are willing to give your husband and your marriage another chance.

It means you are willing to sit with this man that betrayed you and broke your heart and try to listen to his reasons for doing so. If your husband is not willing to go for therapy with you, then there is no hope for your marriage anymore. 

That means he is not repentant and sees nothing wrong with his actions. It also means he is seeing you as a lesser being than him because he is not considering your feelings and opinions at all, and is not looking for a way forward for the family. 

This is also to gauge his intentions towards you. Maybe he’s keeping you around until the right time when he can leave you for the mistress. Or maybe he is really sincere towards you but is entangled in a situation that he no longer knows how to resolve.

Develop a life outside of him

You have been married for so long that you have forgotten your identity as a person and instead taken on the identity of a married woman. It does not hurt to once in a while think about yourself and to cater for your own needs.

It is not wrong to chase after your own dreams and try to develop your personality. The best way to do this is to start participating in activities or to join groups that you love. 

If you enjoy cooking or travelling, now is a good time to try it out. This is also the best time to make new friends and to renew your relationships. This is because you are going to need all the emotional support that you can. 

Reaching out to others will only make you feel better, even though you might not have to reveal the exact situation you are going through.

Engage in a lot of self-love. Go out, change your hairstyle, update your wardrobe, take up a new hobby, and generally do anything that will boost your confidence. A confident you is an attractive you, and though it might seem trivial at first, it will go miles invalidating you.

It will show your husband that you are someone who should not be ignored, or who should not be treated like a doormat. 

The most important thing to note is that you should not behave like a victim. Try not to let your husband’s actions kill your self-esteem or make you feel like a second class citizen. 

Regardless of what anyone might say, it has never been and will never be your fault that your husband cheated. If there was something that he was not happy with, he could easily have communicated to you. 

But to go out and get himself a mistress was a decision he made on his own for his selfish reasons. 

The person who has been treated unfairly in this situation is you because while you are there thinking of the family, he is thinking of himself only. Let him not play with your insecurities and make you afraid of losing him. 

If it was a matter of losing him, you already lost him a long time ago. There is no use crying over spilt milk, or even trying to scoop it back into the bucket. What you need to do right now is to reverse the tides. 

You heard me right! Instead of being afraid that you are going to lose your husband, let him know that he is in danger of losing you and make him earn you back if you still want him.

Let him go.

And I mean this physically, not figuratively.

If your husband is cheating on you and is not willing to let go of that affair, you need to reevaluate your relationship with him to see whether it is worth it anymore.

Ask your husband to leave, and stand by it. Do not be tempted to call him back. Or to check on him until you have sorted out all the issues about his cheating. Unless you are willing to live the rest of your life as your husband’s doormat, second best to your mistress. With no say whatsoever in your marriage, you need to put down your foot and set an ultimatum. 

Your husband indeed wants to have his cake and eat it too. What he does not realize is that he is doing it at your expense. The emotional suffering you are going through does not matter to him. 

Since he is never going to consider your emotions at all, it is high time you stand up for yourself and threw his cheating backside out of the door. You can even help him pack or get a male relative you trust to help him pack. This is regardless of whether you have children or not. 

The separation will help you work through your issues. Maybe he will realize he is better off without you, or you will realize the same. He might do some deep thinking and decide that his family is more important than his mistress. 

Whatever the case is, give him time. A lot of time, to settle himself, before you take him back, that is, if you still want to. Do not hurry to take him back. He might just lie to you when he is actually not repentant, before you know it, the cycle repeats itself. 

Letting your husband go will also mean that he will get to spend a lot of time with his mistress. Statistics show that such a relationship can barely be sustained. If it is conducted like a normal relationship, without the excitement of sneaking around or the thrill of stolen moments. This is actually the best way you can let him know how frivolous the affair was, and how incomparable it is to your marriage

Bottom line-How do I manage a situation where my husband is still seeing his mistress, yet doesn’t want to break the family home?

Remember, when you love someone, you set them free, and if they are meant to be, they will come back to you. If they do not return to you, they are not yours anymore. You have to learn to live with it rather than being in denial, which will cost you your happiness.

Above all, as a woman, you need to stand for truth and integrity. Adultery is wrong and will never be right, whatever society you live in. If you ignore his cheating, you are condoning a very big wrong. It is not something you can be proud of in society or among your friends. Remember, this is something only the two of you can work on, and though you might listen to the advice of other third parties. The ultimate decision should be yours. 

Thank you for reading How do I manage a situation where my husband is still seeing his mistress. I hope you learnt something.