Can a man love his wife and mistress equally?

Can a man love his wife and mistress equally? A man can indeed love two women at the same time; his wife and his mistress. How? Most people understand love to mean when they have deep feelings for a person and can sacrifice a lot to make that person happy. 

Some men are masters at juggling and can keep both women happy for many years without causing friction between them. 


Why would a man love his wife and the mistress at the same time? 

That is because each woman is a unique human being that brings something different to the table. A man can loves something about his wife, and also love the opposite of that about his mistress. 

He may be proud of the wife, wants to protect her and treasure her. On the other hand, he might feel like the mistress is very vulnerable. So he will try to provide for her, help her and nurture her. 

The two people will evoke different feelings from their man. In his heart, he will feel like he loves them both.  

Both women do not necessarily need to be the opposite of each other in character or in looks for the man to love them. What is clear is that each woman offers something unique to the man, and he ends up loving both of them. 

However, we need to note that a man cannot love two different women the same way. Each woman is unique and wants to be treated in a certain way. It might not be the same way the other woman wants to be treated. 

To be able to love both women very well, their man needs to understand each woman in a deeply personal way; to know their likes and dislikes and to support them to achieve their dreams.

The truth is that each woman will feel like their man loves only she and not the other, and this is where the complications start. However much the man may say that he loves both his women equally, we know that the truth will always be different. 

A man’s actions will betray him as to where his love is concentrated. At the same time, each of the women will be thinking that they are the sole lover of their man.It will be clear that he is lying to either or both of them. 

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It is easy to tell who a man loves the most when you consider the two factors that I am going to detail below;


Who takes the number one priority in your man’s life? This is the first question you need to ask yourself. Where does this man spend his holidays and other important celebrations?

Is he with the wife while giving some excuses about his family or his wife’s family or is he spending them with you? If he is not with you, then he does not value you enough. 

A man who likes you will not want to be separated from you and will use every chance to spend time with you.

If he is on a date with either of you, and the other party calls, does he drop everything to go and see the one who called? Or he gives excuses and delegates someone else to handle?

Most men who have both a wife and mistress allocate each one time and do not allow either woman to encroach on the other’s time. But when an emergency occurs, this is when you can see which side he is leaning more to. 

He will rush to the side of the party he favors and will be very agitated and concerned while for the other party; he may just delegate and only show his concern later.

If he has shown favor to the other person many times, Girl, you need to wake up; this man is just playing with you. You are not his priority and he might not love you enough to be with you when it matters.


A man cannot love two women equally. He is only lying to one or both of them. In most cases, many women, especially the wife will not accept to share her husband with a mistress. 

This means that for the man to keep his mistress, he has to lie to the wife all the time. Now, I know love is many things, but it sure isn’t selfish! If a man is lying to you, it only means he is being selfish, thinking of his personal gratification and nothing else. That cannot be love!

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If a man genuinely loves the two women, he needs to let them both know what he is doing so that they make informed decisions. After all, love is a two-way street, and the two parties have to be on the same page before they qualify to be in love. This cant happens in most cases 

The excuse that he does not want to hurt his wife by telling her about his mistress is just that, an excuse. It will hurt a woman more to know that her husband has been sneaking around behind her back for some time while she is ignorant than if he was open about it in the first place. 

This man also needs to respect the decisions that the woman he allegedly loves takes. If you decide to leave him because of the situation, he needs to be able to take it if he loves you.


But if he refuses to tell you the truth on the basis that you may leave him, then he is being selfish and refusing to respect your right to choose him or leave him.

If you are the mistress and your guy is claiming to love both of you but the wife is not aware of your existence, then it is highly likely that he does not love you even though he claims to do so. 

This is because he is scared of the wife leaving him when she finds out about you. He might also be worried that the world will look down on him if they find out that he cheated on his wife. 

But the truth will remain that he has his reasons to why he is with both of you. If he loves you, then he would not mind what the consequences of his actions are as long as he can be with you. 

By keeping you on the side and sneaking around, he is putting you in a position where you have to bend backwards for him while he actually does nothing relevant for you. (Not all of them). This of course means he does not love you as much as he loves the wife.

Bottom line – Can a man love his wife and mistress equally?

A man may claim to love both his wife and mistress at the same time but we know that this is not technically possible. At a certain time, he needs to make the choice as it is not fair to keep stringing on the women he allegedly loves.

 It is also not morally right to have both women at once. Whatever sides of the story you belong to, you need to be prepared and know where you belong. Especially in the man’s heart because you also need to decide whether to stay with him or to hang on and wait for him to sort himself out.

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